It seems unbelievable. On our 9th wedding anniversary, my wife Reneé gave me a most extraordinary gift—one of her kidneys. Oct. 25 will mark 30 years since that day, and I’m recalling many of the things we’ve been through together, including the quiet moments of joy that I might never have experienced if not for her boundless love and courage.
As I’ve noted in a previous post, the fact that the transplant took place on our anniversary was a total coincidence. It was as if the stars were aligned just right.
And as I celebrate this “rebirthday,” I find myself reflecting not only on survival, but on love, gratitude, and the incredible power of second chances. I don’t think I can fully grasp how fortunate I am to have been blessed with this gift of life.
The reason I needed the transplant in the first place was because of a condition called polycystic kidney disease (PKD), a chronic ailment that decreases kidney function over time. PKD is one of the most common genetic disorders, impacting some 500,000 people in the United States, according to the U.S. National Library of Medicine.
By my early 30s, my kidneys had deteriorated to the point where I had to rely on dialysis treatments. These treatments allowed me to function as best I could under the circumstances. Over time, dialysis became less effective, and my doctor suggested I get on a waiting list for a transplant as soon as possible.
In April 1994, a kidney became available, but unfortunately it didn’t work. My health continued to decline over the following months as my kidneys failed. Then, in the summer of 1995 when it became clear that I needed a transplant sooner rather than later, Reneé offered to take a tissue typing test to see if she would be a suitable donor.
Although extremely grateful and awestruck by her offer, I initially declined it. There was no way I was going to put Reneé at risk with a major operation. There were no guarantees the transplant would even work. But Reneé insisted. She had read an article in the New England Journal of Medicine about the success of spousal kidney transplants. The article was published on Aug. 10, which happens to be Reneé’s birthday.
When the tissue typing results came back, we were astonished to discover that we were an excellent match. It seemed like a sign. And then when the transplant team at Westchester County Medical Center, where the transplant would take place, notified us of the date we were truly astounded and convinced that this was the way it was meant to be.
So we spent our 9th wedding anniversary at the hospital, and Reneé presented me with the gift of a new kidney. All I could come up with was a dozen roses. To our utmost and everlasting joy, the transplant was a success. And despite multiple health challenges along the way, my kidney continues to work well.
Some of these challenges have been serious, as readers of this blog well know. But the way I see it, that’s part of the life experience. Each of us has hurdles to deal with, some more difficult than others. It’s how we respond to the difficulties that makes all the difference.
Along with some hurdles, the past 30 years have brought many precious, joyous, memorable moments that I might have missed.
The final chapter of my book, Life Lessons, gets into detail about what we were experiencing and how we were feeling during those days before, during, and after the transplant. It’s ultimately a love story—and well worth a read if you’re looking for something upbeat and inspiring.
I will be forever grateful to Reneé for her selflessness and boundless generosity in offering to be my donor back in 1995—and for being with me every step of the way ever since. On Oct. 25, we will celebrate 39 years of marriage, and 30 years of this gift of life and love.
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