My wife Reneé and I recently took a trip to Los Angeles to visit our son and daughter-in-law. We had a wonderful time taking in the sights, basking in the pleasant weather, and most of all visiting with the two of them.
What wasn’t so much fun was what happened as we started out on our journey. We arrived at JFK International Airport with not a lot of time to spare because of a huge traffic jam on the way to the airport.
As we reached the security checkpoint at the Delta Airlines terminal, we were thrilled to see that the line was short, raising our hopes for a quick trip through to the gate. Alas, our hopes were soon dashed.
When I told the TSA agent that I had a prosthetic leg, he instructed me to go through the metal detector and speak with another agent on the other side. The other agent asked me to sit down while he scanned the prosthetic with an explosives trace detector, and then told me to see yet another agent for what turned out to be a rather lengthy full-body pat-down.
In the midst of this, I received an alert on my Apple Watch telling me that our plane was boarding. Not surprisingly, the alert and my concerns about missing the flight didn’t seem to bother the TSA agent. I wisely chose not to escalate the matter.
When I finally got through security and after we gathered up our belongings, we headed to our gate. If you’ve ever been to JFK, you know that it has some big terminals. We happened to be in the largest of them, and our gate happened to be the farthest away from where we were.
We had to hustle—my prosthetic got a good workout—and barely made it to the gate on time. Just about everyone else had boarded and they were getting ready to close the doors.
I realize this is a story that many travelers can relate to (well, maybe not the prosthetic part). And by all means, I understand the need for tight security at the airport. But this experience tested my patience. I didn’t scream at anyone. I didn’t even voice my frustrations to Reneé.
But I have to admit, I wasn’t a happy camper and a lot of negative thoughts ran through my mind as we made our way from home to the plane: Why do we live in a place where bumper-to-bumper traffic is seemingly a given? Why is TSA treating me like a genuine security threat when the last time I traveled I breezed through the process? It feels like we’re walking to Los Angeles on the way to the gate.
For many of us, the ability to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without getting annoyed or stressed out—the definition of patience—is just not easy. I like to think I’m a patient man. But in reality, in a lot of situations, like waiting a long time in waiting rooms, I’m not.
One approach I find helpful is to put things into context. In this instance, the worst-case scenario was we miss the flight and have to catch a later one. This would be a relatively mild inconvenience, all things considered.
Many situations in life can test our patience: learning new skills, trying to lose weight, waiting in slow-moving lines, waiting for appointments, sitting in a traffic jam, dealing with a difficult co-worker, delayed plans, etc. You can probably name other examples. Just think back over the last few days. Ordinary life situations constantly put us in the position of needing patience, whether we like it or not.
How we react to frustrating or stressful situations depends on a lot of things, including our mood, health, quality of sleep, etc. What tests our patience one day might not the next.
The good news is patience is something everyone can develop and strengthen. For instance, you can practice mindfulness, which can help you appreciate the present moment rather than getting aggravated.
It’s also good to acknowledge what you can and can’t control. You can’t control the flow of traffic on your way to the office, for example, but you can check GPS for a better route. And try to keep things lighthearted and look for the humorous aspects of a situation. Laughing, even smiling, can help to lighten the mood.
Now if only I could take this advice myself! We all struggle with impatience, some more than others. It’s a virtue that’s impossible to completely master. All we can do is keep trying to get better at it.
I try to remember that taking the patient route can pay dividends. Years ago, I was in a frustrating job at a company with a tyrannical owner who created nearly constant stress. After one particularly traumatic day, I decided I to quit. I told my dad about my plans and he advised me to be patient, to stick with the job until something better came along. He knew it would be easier for me to find a new job if I was currently employed.
I took his advice, and sure enough a better job and a better employer that would change the course of my life was just around the corner. In imparting this wisdom, my father used three words I’ve not forgotten: bide your time. This is the essence of patience, a virtue that’s difficult to master but beautiful to embrace.
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait. It’s how we behave while we’re waiting.”—Joyce Meyer
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