No, this is not a post about a song by the rock group The Who. It’s about the importance of being ourselves, even as the world oftentimes calls us to be someone else.
You know those situations or occasions where you take on different personas, depending on who you are with or what’s going on? It’s almost like we become actors, trying to be somebody else because for whatever reason—insecurity or some other flaw—we feel a need to do this.
On occasion, this kind of behavior makes sense. For example, you might take on a different persona or act differently when engaging with your boss or your grandmother than you would when spending time with your friends. But at other times, it’s just a bad habit that can have a negative impact on us and others.
I remember as a teenager playing street hockey and the guys would pick on one of the players because he struggled with asthma. I sometimes joined in on the teasing, even though I knew it was wrong and went against my values and my desire to be nice to people.
To this day, when I think about that or other similar scenarios I feel like I messed up. The desire to fit in and just be one of the guys didn’t give me the right to be hurtful.
I could use the excuse that it was just good-natured teasing among friends. We all were targets of ribbing at one point or another. Or I could acknowledge that I was just being a kid, that I hadn’t yet come of age.
But sometimes even as an adult I know I’ve abandoned my value system now and then in order to better fit in. And the strange thing is I envision myself as being independent, somewhat of a nonconformist.
So much of not being ourselves comes from worrying about what others think of us, or comparing ourselves to others. It’s one thing to admire someone’s accomplishments. But it’s another thing entirely to measure ourselves against other people, only to identify our shortcomings.
If you’ve found yourself trying to fit it in by changing who you really are and compromising your values, or focusing too much on what others think of you, or making unfair comparisons with others, maybe it’s time for some self-appreciation.
Be comfortable with who you are. Recognize your worth, strengths, and uniqueness. We each have something to contribute. We each possess gifts to share, and we need to be grateful for who we are.
This is not always easy. We are social creatures and in some cases we have to “be someone else” for one reason or another. Every once in a while I’ll hear or read about people, maybe celebrities or star athletes or just ordinary individuals, who people say act the same no matter who they are with. They are authentic, genuine, sincere.
Sounds great. But the fact is, many of us are not like that. We will likely always try to some extent to be someone else or to wonder what others think of us. We can all strive to be more genuine, and to treat ourselves with the love and respect we deserve.
“What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
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