We all have opportunities to look at situations from a positive or negative perspective. This happened to me recently, as I faced yet another health crisis that came at a highly inconvenient time.
Believe me, I don’t want to write about more health issues. But I think there are some points I can share from this experience that might help others deal with similar situations and embrace the joyous moments life brings.
Earlier this month, my son Andrew and his fiancée Nikki celebrated their wedding. They first met in kindergarten and were classmates for a number of years. Then they went their separate ways before reconnecting years later. It’s a wonderful love story.
Unfortunately, the night before the wedding I had an episode of internal bleeding. This has been a recurring issue for me of late. It was horrible timing. As I prepared to go to the emergency room I felt devastated at the prospect of missing out on the wedding.
Fortunately, with the help of some pain medications I felt well enough to be discharged from the ER early the next morning. I was able to attend and enjoy the wedding ceremony and reception dinner. But by the next afternoon I was back in the ER, suffering from an infection related to the bleeding problem. I spent the next few days in the hospital recovering.
So here’s the negative way of thinking: After all the planning we did for a number of events related to the wedding—including at one point having more than 40 guests in our backyard under a party tent for a Sunday brunch—I wasn’t able to be fully present or partake in all the festivities. I just didn’t feel well enough to do so.
Most disappointing was that I missed out on some time to spend with family, particularly those relatives from out of town who I don’t get to see all that often.
And here is the positive way of thinking: Somehow, I was able to rebound enough to attend the wedding ceremony as well as an afternoon gathering of guests at our house and the dinner/reception at a local, waterfront restaurant.
During the ceremony, I was acutely aware of how fortunate I was to be there and how close I came to missing the event. I think this made it all the more meaningful and joyful. I was truly “present” there in the church, grateful beyond words to be able to attend.
Also, despite missing much of the Sunday brunch at our house, I was able to revive enough to chat with many of the guests before eventually heading off to the emergency room again.
And then, there was the experience of love, caring and support I received from family and friends who knew I wasn’t feeling great. Once again, at a time of need I felt the warm embrace of compassion.
My mind was a whirlwind as I recovered at the hospital. So much had happened over the previous few days—some absolutely wonderful and some not so much. There was also the ongoing health issue with the bleeding that I needed to address. I had to sort through a number of emotions.
Ultimately, I made a conscious decision to take the positive approach. Doing this is not always easy. Sometimes the simpler path is to be upset, angry, disappointed, dejected.
As Erin Frey, a yoga teacher and mindfulness coach (and my niece), points out in a post on her website, our brains are wired to hold on to our negative experiences and easily forget the positive ones. “We have a choice and that is to consciously focus on the positive,” she says. “Look and listen for it. One way to do this is by practicing and cultivating the superpower of gratitude!”
In the end, the positive approach is so much sweeter, especially when I think back on how important it was to be present for the wedding ceremony. I was able to embrace the joy of the moment, and this will stay with me always.
While I was certainly disappointed by the turn of events, I feel blessed that I was able to be at the main event, the wedding ceremony, in between two visits to the ER. That is what I will take away. For some reason—perhaps another miracle—I was able to overcome a physical setback to be there for my son and new daughter-in-law as they began their marriage.
We never know what turns life will take. Some things are out of our control. But what we can control is how we react to things, either positively or negatively. Choose the positive!
I’m scheduled to undergo surgery on Sept. 30 to address the issue that is causing the bleeding episodes. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I hope to be back blogging sometime in October.
“Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are.”—Marianne Williamson
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