Most of us end up losing some of our capabilities over time. The key to accepting these limitations, I think, is to acknowledge the loss, come to accept it, and then focus on what we still can do.
In my case, for example, I had to give up driving after experiencing a cardiac arrest in 2022. This was because of concerns about having another possible cardiac episode while behind the wheel. I’m fortunate that my wife Reneé doesn’t at all mind driving me to appointments or other destinations. In addition, I can take an Uber whenever I need to.
Another limitation is I can’t walk up steep inclines or on particularly rough terrain anymore. My prosthetic foot doesn’t enable me to do these things easily. Falling is a risk, so I need to avoid these exploits. The good news is I can walk and can still enjoy going on moderate hikes.
Recently we went on a trip to Acadia National Park in Maine. It was a bit disappointing when I couldn’t walk down some of the slopes to get closer views of some of the natural attractions. But I quickly reminded myself to focus on the fact that I could walk along paths to enjoy the spectacular views all around. I could walk on a sandy beach and take the picture above.
At first I wasn’t happy about these and other limitations I’ve had to face. But I’ve learned I need to mourn the losses, accept them, and move on, emphasizing what I still can do. It’s really the only way to avoid going down a rabbit hole of self-pity that is not productive or pleasant.
The interesting thing about losing the ability to do certain things—or entering a new stage of life—is that it can lead you to new ways of using your abilities or spending your time that you might otherwise not have discovered.
There have been countless examples throughout history of people who have had to adapt because of limitations or hardships. Rather than allowing themselves to be crushed by these constraints, they have gone on to achieve great things.
But we don’t have to do great things. We can turn challenges into positives by finding new and productive ways to use our time. For example, someone who suffers a disability or illness and has to stop working full time can begin volunteering. Maybe it’s to help at a local charity or animal shelter. Or maybe it’s acting as a mentor or tutor for someone less experienced.
Others might opt for a creative pursuit, taking up artistic activities such as playing an instrument, writing, or painting, or start a new hobby such as cooking or learning a new language. There are countless things we can do when we’ve lost something.
Oftentimes such losses come at unexpected times. I never expected to go into the hospital to treat a sore foot and then end up having that foot amputated. Things happen that we just don’t see coming.
I know of executives in the technology field in their 50s or 60s who were laid off unexpectedly and thrust into a tough job market for people in their age bracket. After trying and failing to land full-time jobs, they decided to form their own consulting firms and are now doing well. It’s a somewhat different skill set, but they are making it work.
I’ve been in a similar situation, so I can relate. After the most recent layoff I experienced, in 2002, I decided to start my own freelance writing business. This turned out to be an excellent decision. I still get excited whenever I get a new assignment.
One of the most important factors in dealing with personal losses, as with pretty much any challenge, is the attitude we take. We can wallow in self-pity or decide to move forward with life as best we can. It’s our choice.
“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”—Elizabeth Edwards
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